


Oops!

by thefruitsofmysoul



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/F, Family, Fluff, Gen, Misunderstandings, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-09-06 17:58:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8763244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefruitsofmysoul/pseuds/thefruitsofmysoul
Summary: In which Jason's not the best at judging situations.





	1. Jenga Blocks

Jason DiLaurentis had always considered himself to be a fairly reasonable man. Even when he was hanging around with the likes of Ian and Garrett, he still thought himself to be a voice of reason. As a result, by the age of 29, after all that had transpired with Alison’s disappearance and the whole A drama, Jason could say, with almost full certainty, that he could trust his senses, especially his auditory ones.

Consequently, one morning, when he was spending time at the house he shared with his siblings, Jason thought nothing of when Alison kindly asked him to retrieve Charlotte and Melissa from their room, insisting that he tell them that breakfast was ready to be served.

After all, what was the worst thing that could happen?

Shrugging to himself, Jason swiftly made the trek from the kitchen to upstairs, keeping in mind that Hanna was spending time at the DiLaurentis house, and didn’t like to be kept waiting with anything food related. When he finally arrived outside of Charlotte’s bedroom, he found himself unnerved when he heard a myriad of sounds, his past experiences with hearing sounds from inside of a room urging him to be very weary. He paused outside of their room, his curiosity getting the best of him.

“Hurry up and put it in Melissa!” Jason heard Charlotte’s voice say breathlessly through the door, “We don’t have all day!”

Jason blinked in confusion. What exactly was Charlotte impatient about, and what did Melissa have to hurry up and put in?

“Do you not want me to be gentle?” he heard Melissa scoff, her tone slightly haughty, “Do you really want me to have to take it back out and put it in slower? You know I will!”

At that moment, Jason’s brain froze and a shudder wracked through his body. He didn’t even want to know what his sisters were talking about at this point. Whatever it was appeared to have the potential to scar Jason for life and after everything he had been through, he wasn’t sure if his sanity could take any more damage.

“Oh, for God’s sake Melissa, put it in!”

Jason heard a grunt before a small crash. He didn’t even want to imagine what was going on in there. Still, he hesitated in his brief thought to go back downstairs. He knew that Alison had sent him upstairs with the specific intent of getting Melissa and Charlotte down for breakfast, but Jason wasn’t sure that he’d be able to carry out the task with his sanity intact.

“I didn’t mean like that!” Charlotte exclaimed, “I wanted you to be gentle.”

“I’m doing the best I can Charlotte.” Melissa huffed, and Jason heard shuffling within the room, “I don’t see _you_ making any effort here.”

A hand on his shoulder made him jump, turning around to face the dark blue gaze of Hanna Marin.

“What’s taking you so…” Hanna began loudly before Jason shushed her, causing the blonde woman to frown, “Don’t shush me, I’m hungry! And your sister won’t let me eat until _Charlissa_ comes down for breakfast.”

Charlissa was the ship name that Hanna had come up with when she found out that Charlotte and Melissa were in a relationship.

Had the situation been any different, Jason would’ve rolled his eyes at Hanna’s constant hunger and need to have a ship name for every couple. At that moment, however, he really didn’t need Hanna distracting him from his task. If only he could gather the courage to at least knock on the door…

“Look, I know you wanted your first time to be special, and I should’ve been sensitive to that.” Melissa soothed, and Jason closed his eyes tightly, trying in vain to imagine that he were anywhere else but in the situation he was currently in, “But it was really hard to concentrate when you were so impatient.”

He heard Hanna snickering next to him and opened his eyes to glare at her.

“I’m sorry,” Hanna grinned between laughs, “but are your sisters really having se…”

The sound of someone, Jason didn’t even want to know who, whimpering made her pause.

“But Melissa…”

“I’ll make it up to you.” Jason heard Melissa promise, “I’ll even get Jason to help us.”

Jason’s eyes widened in disgust and he face-palmed. The last thing he _ever_ wanted to join in on was… _whatever the hell_ his older sisters were doing in that room.

Hanna, her laughter coming full force, put her hand on the doorknob, barging into the room.

“No!” Jason tried to stop her but it was too late.

As the door swung open, Jason put his hands over his eyes firmly, shutting his eyes as a protective measure. He really didn’t want to experience the visual manifestation of what he had heard.

“Jason, why are you covering your eyes?” he heard Charlotte asked him.

Taking a chance, Jason peeked through his fingers. What he saw stunned him:

  1. Hanna was wearing a smug grin on her face (ok, maybe that wasn’t really unexpected).
  2. Charlotte and Melissa were sitting, and not laying, down on their bed…
  3. Fully dressed…
  4. With a set of Jenga blocks in disarray on a small table in front of them.



Jason couldn’t help it; he gaped at them as he finally removed his hand from in front of his eyes. Before Jason could even form a coherent explanation, Hanna took over for him.

“He thought you were having Melissa for breakfast.”

Jason groaned and once again face-palmed as Charlotte snorted in amusement. He vaguely heard Melissa call him an “idiot” before he left the room, going downstairs to find Alison setting the table.

Once breakfast had officially started and everyone was sitting at the table, food shared on their plates, Alison turned to Jason.

“What took you so long?” she asked him, turning to look at the clock before turning back to Jason, “I almost had to reheat the food waiting for you to get them.”

Hanna began laughing uncontrollably again as Jason began the _perfectly rational_ process of banging his head repeatedly into his hands. Once he had gotten a grip on himself, he leveled his younger sister with a firm gaze, the only words leaving his lips being:

“I don’t want to talk about it… _ever_.”


	2. Definitely Not Jenga Blocks

One would think that Jason DiLaurentis would’ve learned his lesson after mistaking the sound of his sisters playing with Jenga blocks for the sound of sexual intercourse. One would think that he would’ve learned that his auditory sense was flawed, and that it wouldn’t always pull through for him in every situation.

Of course, he wouldn’t be _Jason DiLaurentis_ if he didn’t keep making the same mistake every so often.

As such, he only had himself to blame when relying on his auditory sense just about scarred him for life.

Considering all he’d been through, it wasn’t that unexpected that Jason ended up being a family man. Thus, anytime the opportunity arose in which he could spend time with all of his siblings, he jumped at the chance. It was this eagerness that caused him to accept Melissa’s invitation to stay at Nana Hastings’ cabin for the weekend. All of his siblings would be there, Hanna would be there, and most importantly of all, Jason would could spend the weekend appreciating the beauty of nature, using his ears to observe all the things he took for granted the last time he was there.

As a result, Jason didn’t even mind helping Melissa prepare lunch every day. After all, if he was getting to enjoy being a family person, the least he could do was be helpful.

On one such afternoon, the second to last day at the cabin, Melissa had asked him to bring Alison and Emily down for lunch.

“I’ll never understand how those two can sleep right through breakfast.” Melissa had scoffed to Jason after insisting that he be the one to retrieve them, “It’s ridiculous, and I am _not_ reheating any of this. If they want cold food, suit themselves.”

Jason had rolled his eyes at his sister’s impatience. It really shouldn’t surprise him, at this point in his life, that Melissa had no patience for those who weren’t on schedule…except for Charlotte, of course. Melissa had always had a soft spot for Charlotte and her rare bouts of laziness, but that was to be expected. She _loved_ her after all.

As Jason made his way to one of the cabin’s back rooms, on his way to retrieve his sister and her girlfriend, Hanna grabbed him by the arm, stopping him. The younger blonde, who was sitting on the couch next to Spencer, wore a grin on her face that instantly made Jason feel weary.

“What is it…this time?”

Hanna faked a wounded look on her face as she placed a hand on her chest.

“ _Gosh_ Jase.” she gasped, her dramatic tone causing Jason to narrow his eyes, “I was just trying to give you some advice.”

Jason raised an eyebrow, giving her a look, and Hanna raised her hands in surrender.

“Don’t give me _that_ look.” Hanna pouted, crossing her arms over her chest, “The resemblance between you and your sisters is too uncanny, and I can’t tell if you look more like a DiLaurentis right now, or if you’re wearing the Hastings look.”

Jason blinked.

“What look?”

Hanna rolled her eyes.

“The remarkably unimpressed one.” she elaborated, causing Spencer to give her a look that mirrored Jason’s, “See! That look right there. The remarkably unimpressed _Hastings_ look…the one that says you can’t believe how ridiculous anything outside of your own thoughts is.”

As Jason opened his mouth to respond, he heard Melissa yell from the kitchen.

“Hurry up Jason!”

Jason scowled at Hanna, causing the younger blonde to grin cheekily as Spencer leaned back into the couch with a sigh, murmuring something about her choice in friends.

“Why did you call me?”

At that, Hanna’s eyes widened in remembrance.

“Oh yeah!” she exclaimed, leaning towards Jason conspiratorially, “Be careful getting _Emison_ ready. You don’t want what happened last time with _Charlissa_ to happen again.”

With that, Jason abruptly turned on his heel, ignoring Hanna’s loud laughter as he walked in the direction of where Alison and Emily were. He vaguely heard Spencer ask about what happened _last time_ , and Hanna’s answer of _Jenga blocks_ before he was out of earshot from them.

As he got closer to their room, Jason paused as he heard hushed voices.

“Hurry up Emily!” came Alison’s breathless voice through the door.

Jason’s eyebrows disappeared into his hairline as he heard a muffled moan. Rubbing his eyes, he reassured himself that a moan didn’t mean anything. After all, the last time he had been in a situation like this, the sounds inside the room were produced by the frustration of stacking Jenga blocks, not _sexual frustration_.

“Is this okay Ali?” Jason heard Emily ask.

He heard someone huff through the door and hesitated in placing his hand on the doorknob.

“Stop asking me if this is alright and just…” Jason heard his sister’s voice before something cut her off.

Had Jason listened to his gut feeling, he would’ve made an about face and walked right back to the kitchen, told Melissa to get them herself, and made himself comfortable on the couch with a beautiful mug of hot chocolate. Instead, Jason held his head high, turned the doorknob, and entered the room.

Once inside, Jason gasped in horror as he realized a few fundamental details about the situation he was in:

  1. Alison and Emily were laying, and not sitting, down in their bed…
  2. With Emily on top of Alison…
  3. Their mouths locked together (and was that tongue?) ...
  4. And Emily’s hand was…



“No!” Jason yelled, frozen in disbelief as he stared at the scene in front of him, too petrified to cover his innocent eyes, “No, no, no, no, no, no…”

Faster than he thought was possible, Alison sat up abruptly, causing Emily to fall onto the bed beside her. Both were scrambling to cover themselves, and Jason was struggling to hold onto his sanity…and his breakfast from hours before.

“Jason, get out!” Alison screeched, throwing a lacy piece of (Jason didn’t even want to know _what_ ) at him.

Jason stumbled out of the room, clawing at the material that his sister had thrown at his face. Miraculously, Jason made it into the living room without tripping over his own feet, the offending article of clothing dropped at his feet.

Hanna took one look at him and began snickering, moving to pick the material off of the floor. As she held it up, Jason blanched as Spencer’s eyes went wide.

“What’s taking you so…” Melissa started as she entered the room before stopping, scrutinizing the item in Hanna’s hand before asking, “Who’s bra is that?”

Jason cringed and sank down into the couch next to Spencer, who resorted to patting his head sympathetically. He closed his eyes tightly and attempted to erase the negative images from his mind. Why couldn’t he have nice things? He vaguely registered Hanna leaving the room, the only indication of that fact being her loud steps in the direction that Jason just came from.

“Emily!” he heard Hanna shout, the amusement in her tone darkening Jason’s mood even further, “Stop topping Ali and come eat lunch! I’m hungry!”

Spencer’s hand stopped running through Jason’s hair and the latter lifted his head to look at his brunette younger sister. Her nose was scrunched up in distaste.

“They’re doing it _again_?” Spencer asked him, exasperation coloring her tone, “That’s the second time today.”

“Second time for what?” came Charlotte’s voice as she entered the conversation, seemingly coming out of nowhere with her almost silent footsteps, “What’s taking Ali so long?”

As Melissa crossed her arms in defeat, relaying the tale to Charlotte, Hanna reemerged from the back rooms, dragging a reluctant Alison and Emily behind her.

“It was Ali’s bra by the way.” Hanna confirmed, much to Jason’s horror, “That’s why she’s not wearing…”

“Too much info Han!” Spencer scowled, her words shutting the younger blonde up.

Jason, in that time, made brief eye contact with Alison, taking in her glare before meeting Emily’s dark gaze. Emily’s eyes, unlike Alison’s, conveyed both sympathy and contriteness.

“Next time,” Alison began evenly, bringing Jason’s gaze back to her, “remember that there’s something called knocking.”

As Jason clamped his hand over his eyes, he heard Charlotte’s confused voice asking what had happened. Jason should’ve known that once Hanna started grinning again, he was going to regret whatever came out of her mouth.

“Jason thought Em and Ali were playing with Jenga blocks.”

At this, Jason stormed into the kitchen, ignoring the laughter that he left behind. Leave it to him to scar himself for life by relying on his own auditory sense.

Maybe one day, he would learn. Until then, he had to face the consequences.


	3. Walmart

It’s not that Jason DiLaurentis _purposely_ set out to completely misjudge situations. He was generally hyper aware of the things that he should and shouldn’t say in certain instances (growing up with Alison will do that to a person). Of course, he wouldn’t be _Jason_ without slipping up every once in a while.

Said slip up occurred about halfway through Melissa’s third trimester of being pregnant. Through methods that Jason thought best to leave to Melissa and Charlotte, Melissa was pregnant with Charlotte’s baby. Naturally, as a person who only wanted the best for his family, he was thrilled at the prospect of becoming an uncle. He’d decided to be very involved in the pregnancy – going on midnight runs to satiate Melissa’s cravings, buying baby clothes for the little girl that would be born later that year, and so on.

 _And yes_ , going shopping with his _very_ pregnant sister made the top of the list of things he’d do.

“Remind me again why _I’m_ the one who has to help with the grocery shopping.” Jason asked Charlotte one particular Saturday afternoon as he helped Melissa into the passenger seat of his car, “ _You’re_ the wife.”

The smack that Melissa dealt his arm made him question what he’d done wrong.

“You should be grateful that we’re asking you to do _anything_.” Melissa muttered as she fixed her younger brother with a stern glare, “Especially after you tried to _poison_ _me_ last week with that disgrace you called food.”

Jason stared at her in disbelief. _Sure_ , he wasn’t the best cook in the world (and yes, he’d burnt his fair share of food in the past), but he didn’t think that warranted the brunette’s harsh words. So he told her so.

Before Melissa could reply, Charlotte wrapped a calming arm around Jason’s shoulders and led him to the driver side of his car, placating Melissa with a loving look.

“Just leave the cooking to me, okay little brother?” She murmured gently as Jason sat in the driver’s seat, “I already have dinner in the oven, so it doesn’t make sense to argue over food.”

She paused.

“Besides,” She continued with a smug grin, “I’m the one who inherited mom’s knack for cooking.”

“How do you even know how to cook?” Jason queried, “You spent over half your life in –”

Jason abruptly stopped talking, before the word _Radley_ could leave his lips. He hadn’t meant to bring that up, but lo and behold, that was the word that nearly left his mouth. Before he could apologize, Charlotte gave him a small smile, not seeming too upset about Jason’s lapse in judgment.

“As a former child prodigy, I have a higher IQ than most people on the East Coast.” She shrugged, reaching over to give Jason’s hand a squeeze, “If you’re worried about offending me about… _that_ , _don’t be_.”

With that, Charlotte gave Melissa a knowing look before disappearing into her Philadelphia home.

“Let’s just go.” Melissa leveled Jason with a sharp gaze, “How much trouble can that mouth of yours really get us in?”

* * *

Shopping at the local Walmart proved to be fairly easy. Jason and Melissa had developed a simple system for shopping together – Melissa would dictate the items on her shopping list, and Jason would retrieve them while dutifully holding the shopping basket. Even Jason couldn’t believe his luck at this shopping trip. Not only did he and Melissa not bicker once, but they managed to be in and out in a record of 15 minutes.

Well, _almost_ in and out. There was still the matter of the checkout line. The cashier seemed nice enough, giving both Jason and Melissa a friendly smile as he scanned their items.

“I don’t mean to intrude, but congratulations.” The cashier gestured to Melissa’s belly before staring up at Jason. There was a glint in the cashier’s eyes that Jason wasn’t sure he liked, “You both must be so excited.”

The look of surprise on Melissa’s face took Jason aback. Why would she be so surprised at someone congratulating her?

“Thanks.” Jason grinned, reaching over to shake the young cashier’s hand. He couldn’t be more than 17 or 18, “I’ve never been through something like this before. I didn’t think it would happen so soon.”

The cashier nodded in understanding.

“Sometimes, life’s greatest miracles take time.”

Melissa cleared her throat.

“We’re not –” she started before the cashier cut her off.

“You don’t have to explain this” He motioned between Jason and Melissa, “to me. Your relationship is none of my business.”

It suddenly dawned on Jason what was going through this cashier’s mind. He couldn’t possibly think that _he and Melissa_ …

“Hold on a moment.” Jason raised his hands abruptly, “I don’t know what you _think_ you know, but this is my _sister_ , alright?”

The cashier looked stunned for a moment before he too raised his hands. The line of people behind them erupted into hushed murmurs, no doubt about the exchange between Jason and the cashier.

“Lannister-esque, huh?” He shrugged, “Can’t say I’ve seen it in person before, but I don’t judge bro.”

Jason turned to Melissa in confusion.

“What the hell is a Lannister?”

Melissa face-palmed and groaned.

“He thinks that this baby was conceived through incest.” She murmured in disgust, “The Lannisters – Jaime and Cersei to be specific – are siblings who fornicated and had three children together.”

Jason resisted the urge to throw up. This was even worse than the (admittedly) many times that he’d accidentally walked in on Ali and Emily.

“Listen here.” Jason said firmly, “This child is _not_ mine, okay? It’s my sister’s.”

The cashier blinked slowly.

“Your sister is having… _your sister’s_ child?” He echoed quietly.

“Exactly!” Jason nodded vigorously before realizing what it sounded like, “Wait. No. I mean, _yes_. My sister is having my sister’s child, but I swear they’re not related. They’re both my…why am I even bothering? What’s my total?”

The cashier shook his head, rubbing his forehead as if he had a headache.

“Dude, it’s on the house.” He said quietly, “You have a very…interesting family.”

Before Jason could say anything else, Melissa shoved the grocery bags into Jason’s hands and pulled him towards the exit.

“Can you believe the nerve of that guy?” Jason ranted as he loaded the groceries into the trunk of his car, “How could he think that _we’re_ in a relationship?”

Melissa gave him a judgmental look as they both buckled their seatbelts.

“I don’t know.” Melissa’s tone was sarcastic, “Mr. ‘I’ve never been through something like this before.’ What the hell did you think he would assume?”

“You can’t seriously be blaming this on _me_.”

The look Melissa gave him was all he needed as an answer.

* * *

“How’d it go?” Charlotte asked good-naturedly once Jason and Melissa returned home, serving plates full of chicken, rice, and vegetables to them, “It can’t have been _too_ bad, can it have?”

Melissa snorted.

“I can’t show my face in Walmart _ever_ again.” Melissa declared sulkily, giving Jason a heated glare, “Our _darling_ brother managed to convince the cashier – and several other customers, _mind you_ – that he, as my brother, got me pregnant.”

Charlotte was silent for almost a whole minute before a chuckle escaped her lips. As Melissa turned her incredulous look to her wife, Charlotte turned around to avoid the brunette’s piercing gaze as her chuckles turned to laughter.

 “Can’t say I was expecting that.” She smirked as she sat at the table, grabbing both Jason’s and Melissa’s hand, “Let’s say grace.”

“I’ll start.” Jason declared, as he bowed his head solemnly, “Heavenly Father. Thank you for providing this nourishing food. I just ask that you give me the grace to stop getting myself into these embarrassing situations…”


	4. Babies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jason tries to explain where babies come from to his young niece.

Being an uncle had, in many ways, matured Jason DiLaurentis. Gone were the days where he could be mindless with his words and actions. He had another human being _depending on him_ to be a steady moral foundation. He vowed to be there to the best of his ability, equipped to handle any problem, to answer any question…

“Where do babies come from?” six-year-old Kari Hastings asked him one summer day, head tilted in curiosity.

 _Except that_. He was equipped to answer any question other than that. At six-years-old, Kari Hastings was the splitting image of Melissa, high cheekbones, strong jawline, dark eyes, and all. That is, except for the blonde hair and mouth – that was all Charlotte.

“Why do you ask?” Jason asked her hesitantly. He knew he had to tread carefully. Though his niece was young, she was still very intelligent, probably a result of being Charlotte and Melissa’s child.

The sharp gaze Kari gave him reminded him eerily of Melissa.

“Isn’t it every child’s right to know where babies come from?” Kari asked him innocently as she walked back and forth across the living room, reminiscent of Peter Hastings when he wanted to avoid a conversation, “Didn’t _you_ ask these questions when you were my age a million years ago?”

Jason’s eyes narrowed.

“Are you trying to call me old?”

“That’s not the point here.” Kari sighed, coming to a full stop in front of Jason, “Uncle _Jason_. I’m gonna be starting first grade this year. _My_ _first year of grade school_. It’s a pivotal moment in my life.”

Jason didn’t even question how Kari _knew_ the word _pivotal_.

“It’s only fitting that I understand where babies come from.”

Jason ran a hand over his face and sighed, leaning back into the armchair he was currently sitting in. This wasn’t what he bargained for when he agreed to babysit his niece for the night to allow Charlotte and Melissa to get some _alone time_.

“ _Try not to be a negative influence on my daughter_.” Were the words that Melissa left him with before she left. He assumed that she was half joking. He could only try his best to avoid the question for as long as possible.

“What do you know about how babies are made?” He started with the easy route.

Kari gave him another Melissa-like look.

“If I _knew_ , I wouldn’t be asking _you_.” She frowned, “Why do all the men in this family have the emotional range of a teaspoon?”

Jason raised an eyebrow in surprise.

“Did you get that from _Harry Potter_?”

“ _Duh_.”

Jason raised his hands in defense.

“Okay then.” Jason said gently before pausing, “Tell you what. How about you ask Grandpa Peter and –”

“I _tried_ that already.” Kari sighed exasperatedly, running a hand through her hair, “He was being really weird about it. He got this funny look on his face and started mumbling to himself. Something about leaving things like this to Grandma Ronnie and Grandma Jess.”

That _did_ sound like a Peter Hastings thing to do. Leave the hard things to someone else to explain. The contemplative look on Kari’s face gave Jason pause.

“He said that even though he had you, mommy, and Auntie Spencer, he never had to explain these things to you.” Kari raised an eyebrow at him, “So did you ask Grandma Jess about babies?”

Jason refrained from snorting. Of all the things that he and his mother had discussed while she was alive, the subject of where babies came from never made the list.

“Not exactly.” He gave her a small smile, beckoning for her to sit next to him, “Why do you wanna know where babies come from anyways? You’re young. You have your whole life ahead of you.”

Kari wrinkled her nose in distaste as she sat down.

“I like to be knowledgeable.” She answered simply, “It wouldn’t do to be so smart at such a young age and _not_ know how my two female parents had me.”

Kari paused.

“I know mama was a boy before the doctors helped her become a girl.” Kari said quietly, “But I still don’t get how two girls can have a baby.”

Jason ran a hand through his hair and sighed. This _definitely_ wasn’t a conversation he’d ever envisioned having before he had children of his own, and _even then_ , he was hoping he could get his future wife to do the talking.

“Alright.” Jason cracked his knuckles and gave his niece his full attention, “I wasn’t gonna tell you this until you were older, but here goes.”

Jason took a deep breath as Kari’s dark brown eyes lit up in anticipation.

“When two people love each other _very much_ , anything is possible.” Jason began, “So one day, a magical stork takes notice and thinks to itself, ‘hey, that couple really deserves to have a child.’ Are you understanding so far?”

Kari gave him an incredulous look, but nodded.

“Continue.”

“Right. So this magic stork. Uh, it knows that babies can’t just come from _nowhere_.” Jason continued, racking his brain for how to continue his story, “So it flaps its wings, sings a little song, and… _poof_!”

“Poof.” Kari echoed.

“Then a baby is made in the stomach.” Jason finished, proud of himself, “Any questions?”

The curious glint in Kari’s eyes made Jason regret asking.

“Just a few.” Kari stated in a businesslike tone that would be adorable had she not been trying to get a straight answer out of Jason, “If this… _magic stork_ as you call it is real, how does the baby get the traits of both parents?”

Jason shrugged.

“It’s a _magic_ stork, Kari.” Jason said matter-of-factly, “It works in mysterious ways.”

Kari nodded and rubbed at her chin, as if deep in thought.

“Second question.” Kari murmured, “If the stork has a hand in the baby process, why doesn’t the baby look more like a stork?”

Jason just barely stopped himself from throwing his hands up in frustration. Of all the things his niece could choose to be curious about, it just _had_ to be babies.

“Kari, it’s –”

“Magic, _yes,_ I _know_ , Uncle Jason.” She rolled her eyes, “Just one last question.”

At this pause, Kari grinned wickedly in a manner that she must’ve gotten from being around Alison.

“Do you _really_ think I’m gonna fall for that?” Kari looked mockingly disappointed as she shook her head at her uncle, “First of all, magic doesn’t exist. Secondly, _Uncle Toby_ already tried the stork excuse. I didn’t buy it then, and I’m not buying it now.”

Jason had a few choice words in mind for his future brother-in-law the next time he saw him.

“So are you gonna tell me the _truth_ , or do I have to Google –”

“No!” Jason exclaimed, his loud tone causing Kari to jump in surprise. He gave her what he thought was a soothing smile before continuing in a calmer tone, “I mean, Google isn’t the _best_ source of information.”

He paused.

“And Melissa would kill me.”

“Why would mommy kill you?” Kari’s tone was innocent now.

The thought of what web searches about baby making could yield caused Jason to shudder. Melissa would skin him alive if her precious six-year-old saw _any_ of those sites. Not to mention the videos that the internet housed…

“Here’s a question of my own.” Jason breathed out slowly, “Did you try asking Auntie Spencer?”

“Auntie Spencer went to work after mommy left me with her, and that’s why Uncle Toby was babysitting me.”

“Auntie Ali?”

“She couldn’t stop laughing.”

“Auntie Emily?”

“Her face started turning really red and she said she needed some air.”

“Grandma Ronnie?”

“She was busy with her re-election campaign.”

“Ezra?”

“He said that’s a conversation best left for family.”

_Damn you Ezra!_

“Auntie Hanna?”

Kari’s features became amused as she leaned closer to her uncle, a smirk gracing her features.

 _Had there been any doubt that she was in fact Charlotte’s daughter, that smirk was proof enough_.

“Funny.” Kari shrugged, “She’s the one who gave me the idea to ask you in the first place.”

 _Of course she was_.

“Why can’t you just ask your parents when they get back tomorrow?” Jason was grasping at straws now.

Kari snorted.

“ _Because_ ,” she stressed, “ _everyone_ knows that you don’t ask your parents things like this.”

It was Jason’s turn to snort, this time in disbelief.

“Who told you that nonsense?”

“Auntie Hanna.” Kari answered simply, “She said that you can _never_ ask your parents these kinds of things. They were kind enough to bring you into this world. They shouldn’t have to explain childbirth to you too.”

Jason felt the beginnings of a migraine coming on.

“And you listened to that?”

Kari shrugged.

“I didn’t at first,” She admitted, “but then she gave me $50 to ask _you_ and I couldn’t say no then, could I?”

“Yes!” Jason groaned, “Yes you could have!”

The was a slight pause between the two – Jason contemplating how this conversation would end, and Kari probably scheming about how to make that $50 worthwhile.

“So are you gonna tell me where babies come from or not?” Kari crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow at her uncle.

Jason took a deep breath and shook his head.

“I’m not giving you the sex talk Kari. You’re _six_.”

The widening of Kari’s eyes made panic engulf Jason. He replayed what he said in his mind and face-palmed… _hard_.

“What’s sex, Uncle Jason?”

_Shit…_

* * *

Five miles away, at a luxurious hotel in the penthouse suite, Charlotte and Melissa Hastings shared a sweet kiss before toasting each other with glasses of red wine.

“We don’t do this nearly enough.” Charlotte murmured as she took a sip of her drink.

Melissa nodded her agreement as she followed suit.

“Maybe we should leave Kari with Jason more often.” She grinned as she took her wife’s glass out of her hand, rising from the bed to place both glasses on a nearby table.

As warm hands wrapped around Melissa from behind, the brunette smiled, reaching down to cover them with her own.

“We shouldn’t waste what time we have talking, now should we?” Charlotte accentuated her question with a gentle kiss to the back of Melissa’s neck, the action putting butterflies in the brunette’s stomach.

Melissa turned around instantly and wrapped her arms around her wife’s waist, smirking at the amused glint in her eyes. Rather than answering her query, she leaned down to kiss her, breath catching in anticipation at the intimate act that they were about to share. Nothing would get in the way of their lips meeting, their bodies intertwined in passion. Nothing _except_ …

 _The intrusive sound of Melissa’s ringtone_.

Melissa attempted to ignore the phone, leaning ever closer to her wife, but was stopped by the gentle feel of Charlotte’s hand on her chest.

“That _could_ be Jason.” Charlotte was amused, and Melissa vowed to replace that emotion with something else by the end of the night, “It could be important.”

Grumbling obscenities to herself, Melissa reluctantly wrenched herself away from the warmth of Charlotte’s arms, trying in vain to ignore Charlotte’s stifled giggles as she checked the caller ID, one that read the following word:

 _Idiot_.

Yup, it was Jason.

Melissa scowled as she answered the phone.

“What _is it_ , Jason?” Melissa growled impatiently, “I’m _trying_ to defile my wife and you’re making that impossible right now.”

Melissa could feel Charlotte’s arms wrap around her once more, instantly relaxing her.

“First of all, ew.” Melissa imagined that Jason was frowning, “That’s my _sister_ , and I didn’t need that image in my head.”

“I’m your sister too, and you should understand that –”

“Look, Melissa.” Jason sighed, “I didn’t call you to argue. I called you because I have a problem.”

Melissa took a shuddering breath as she tried to compose herself in light of Charlotte pressing open mouthed kisses to her neck. To think people called _her_ the impatient one.

“Is Kari alright?”

“Oh, no. She’s fine. Nothing’s wrong with her. That’s not why I’m calling.”

“Then why are you –”

By then, Charlotte’s hands had wandered down to undo the buckle of Melissa’s jeans, causing the brunette to abruptly cease talking.

“Kari wanted to know where babies come from –” Jason started before Melissa cut him off with, “Just tell her she’ll understand when she’s older.”

Melissa moved to end the call before Jason’s voice stopped her in her tracks.

“I kinda mentioned the word _sex_ to her, and I don’t know what to tell her.”

At this, Melissa stopped Charlotte’s hand motions with one of her hands, clutching them tightly as she just barely refrained from throwing her phone across the room.

“You told her _what_?”


End file.
